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I never take risk while drinking When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
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@ 11:37 AM (17 months, 21 days ago)
A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock. "Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to get out of here quick!"
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2008/5/22
@ 03:31 AM (17 months, 23 days ago)
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
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@ 03:30 AM (17 months, 23 days ago)
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for more than 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.
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@ 03:26 AM (17 months, 23 days ago)
A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
The Farmer: "and, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
"Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
The farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"
2008/5/13
@ 02:13 AM (18 months, 2 days ago)
Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: 'I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody.' The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmadabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. 'Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?' 'Yes...... speaking' AEC guy, 'You're a month overdue, you know!' 'How do YOU know?' stammers the young woman. 'Well, ma'am, it's in our files!' says the AEC guy .. 'What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????' ' Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue ' ' GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much..........' 'Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue' 'I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ... he will speak to your company tomorrow ' That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. 'What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?' the husband shouts. 'Just calm down,' says the lady at the reception at AEC, 'it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.' 'PAY you? and if I refuse?' 'Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off.'
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@ 01:30 AM (18 months, 2 days ago)
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
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@ 01:21 AM (18 months, 3 days ago)
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!" Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
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2008/5/10
@ 05:14 AM (18 months, 5 days ago)
"Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it........"
@ 05:12 AM (18 months, 5 days ago)
We all must have heard of ABCD - American Born Confused Desi......
But How about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ? - American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.
2008/5/8
@ 10:59 AM (18 months, 7 days ago)
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer : "Heloo, can I order.." Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on.......889861356102049998-45-54610" Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan; Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer : "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : " We are connected to the system Sir" Customer: " May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir" Customer: "How come?" Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir" Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?" Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it" Customer: "How do you know for sure?" Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir" Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?" Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99" Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?" Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3, 720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.." Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today" Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..." Customer: " What!" Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..." Customer: " ????" Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?" Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
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@ 10:51 AM (18 months, 7 days ago)
@ 10:50 AM (18 months, 7 days ago)
Three things in Life, that once gone, never comes back:
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@ 10:14 AM (18 months, 7 days ago)
Don't know how true this is, but if it is, it need a serious thought.
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2008/5/7
@ 11:23 PM (18 months, 8 days ago)
@ 11:01 PM (18 months, 8 days ago)
There are two sisters and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the elder one tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." She arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
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@ 10:54 PM (18 months, 8 days ago)
A guy lost his girlfriend in a train accident.... but the gal's name did not appear anywhere in the dead list. This guy grew up and became an IT technical architect in his late 20?s. He hired developers from the whole globe and planned to make a software where he could search for his girlfriend through the web.. Things went as planned... and he found her, after losing millions of dollars and 3 long years!! It was time to shut down the search operation, when the CEO of Google had a word with this guy and took over this application. This Software made a whopping 1 billion dollars profit in its first year, which we today know as ORKUT.
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@ 06:25 AM (18 months, 8 days ago)
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
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2008/5/6
@ 07:14 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
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@ 07:07 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
"Sometimes love is for a moment, Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime...."
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@ 06:41 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
WHO DOES WHAT
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@ 06:40 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.
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@ 06:40 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
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@ 06:39 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
@ 06:38 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
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@ 06:37 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
@ 06:34 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful african grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree,and it's an absolute steal at only $20." "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity." "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
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@ 06:27 AM (18 months, 9 days ago)
1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
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2008/5/5
@ 10:15 AM (18 months, 10 days ago)
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot,but you can't. 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
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@ 10:13 AM (18 months, 10 days ago)
NAIL IN THE FENCE
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@ 12:59 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
There is a lot of noise being made about the pay panel for the armed forces. The fact is that most of us are patriotic only when it comes to elections or a war. When there is no war, the question about whether we require an armed forces as big as this keeps propping up in our psyche. We do not realise that it is because we have an armed forces as large,as professional and strong as this that there is no war. Economic security might appear as a strong enough force in today's global economic scenario. But the day we are faced by an adventurist enemy, all the hoopla about economic clout vanishes by the backdoor.
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2008/5/4
@ 07:48 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers). The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
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@ 07:44 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
@ 07:43 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
History Mystery
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@ 07:08 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
A family in India was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ma) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
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@ 06:58 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
Have u ever heard about LPG gas cylinder's expire date? How to find LPG cylinder's expiry date?
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@ 06:51 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
@ 06:40 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
Over the weekend, a friend filled up his car's fuel tank, and thought petrol has become really expensive after the recent price hike. But then he compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and felt a little better. To know why, see the results below - you'll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are!
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@ 06:37 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
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@ 02:59 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
Letterman's Top 10 List on why golf is better than sex
#10 A below par performance is considered damn good.
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@ 02:33 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
After 48 years of marriage, an elderly Gujarati man in Bombay calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams."We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!" Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, I'll take care of this." She calls Bombay immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!!"
@ 02:21 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
Hearing Problem
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@ 02:16 AM (18 months, 11 days ago)
This blog is not just about making you laugh, feel good or merely reflect. It will also give you valuable and useful tips on myriad things which will come in handy to you at some time or the other. Keep reading, folks!
FRAUD CALL.
Urgent Information..... If you receive a phone call on your mobile from any person, saying that, they're checking your mobile line, and you have to press # 90 or #09 or any other number. End this call immediately without pressing any numbers. Friends there is a fraud company using a device that once you press #90 or #09 they can access your "SIM" card and make calls at your expense. Forward this message to as many friends as you can, to stop it. This information has been confirmed by both Motorola and Nokia. There are over 3 Million affected mobile phones. You can also check this news in the CNN web site. PLEASE FORWARD THIS PIECE OF INFORMATION TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS
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