fleeting thoughts

 
Not in the mood - 21 times
 
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
 
New hairdo - 6 times
 
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
 
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
 

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
 
Love, Your Hubby
 
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ________
 
To My Dearest Husband,
 
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
 
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
 
Did not come home at all - 36 times
 
Did not come - 21 times
 
Came too soon - 38 times
 
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
 
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
 
Working too late - 33 times
 
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
 
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
 
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
 
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
 
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
 
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
 
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
 
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you.. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
 
Love, Your Wife