fleeting thoughts

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
 
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
 
 
Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
 
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
 
 
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE  IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
 
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT  THE BULL CHARGES
 
 
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR,  THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
 

Read the rest of this entry ... (117 words left)

A keen immigrant Indian Marwari young man applied for a salesman's job at
London's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest
store in the world - you could get anything there.
 
The boss asked him,
“Have you ever been a salesman before?”
“Yes sir, I was a salesman in Rajasthan in India”, replied the young man.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I'll
come and see you.”
 
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And
finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many
sales did you make today?”
“Sir, Just ONE sale.” said the young salesman.
“Only one sale?” blurted the boss. “No! No! One a day…. If you want to keep
this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how
much was the sale worth?
“Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four pounds” said the
young marwari.
 
“What”, “How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss. Well, said
the salesman, “This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a
medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sell him new fishing
rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down the coast.
So I told him he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat
department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.
Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took
him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.
I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation,
I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6
sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw
in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.”
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that
to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!”
“No” answered the salesman, “He came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins
for
his wife and I said to him, “Your weekend's screwed anyway, you might as
well go fishing.”
 
THIS IS CROSS SELLING

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....
 
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"
 
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
 
They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
 
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
 
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
 
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"About 1 litre."
 

This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the
roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of
hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never
watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up.

Read the rest of this entry ... (232 words left)

In his first few weeks in office, sometime between celebratory bill signings and phone calls from foreign leaders, President Obama sat in the Oval Office for the most somber task of his presidency - penning letters to families of troops killed in combat.
 
 
" This was real, it was personal, it was so important to us," said Thya Merz, whose son Marine Lance Cpl. Julian Brennan was killed Jan. 24 in Afghanistan.
 
 
The letter was signed " Barack," Ms. Merz told
The Washington Times.
 
 
" Not 'president,' just his first name, and it just felt like, OK, my son has been acknowledged, " she said.
 
 
Mr. Obama personalizes each letter, asking staffers to gather details about the service member, such as their hometown and where they were stationed, a White House aide said. The letters are sent to parents and spouses, and sometimes children of the fallen troops.
 
 
The president writes the notes by hand, then the letters are typed before he adds his signature.
 
 
Mr. Obama wrote the first few letters for troops who died in Iraq and Afghanistan while George W. Bush was president, and has written at least a dozen more since taking office.
 
 
The president told NBC News that the duty falls to him, though he did not initiate the wars and opposed the invasion of Iraq. In those moments of signing the letters, he said, " you realize every decision you make counts."
 
 
The White House declined to release any of the private letters or the names of families who received them, but The Times spoke with some who shared the contents of their letters.
 
 
Cpl. Brennan, 25, was supporting combat operations in Afghanistan' s Farah province when he was killed last month.
 
 
Ms. Merz said the president's letter to her family in honor of her son was "lovely" and added, "It is meaningful to have Julian's death noted personally by him."
 
 
Six weeks before Cpl. Brennan was deployed, the Brooklyn resident married his fiancee to make sure she would have benefits if he was killed abroad.
 
 
Ms. Merz said she and her son often talked about national service. Like the president, she opposed the war in Iraq. As for Afghanistan, she described herself as ambivalent, but said that she and her son came to an agreement that " if our nation was going to engage in military action, everybody should serve."
 
 
As a parent of someone in combat, she realized, " I no longer have the privilege of saying I don't agree and not paying attention to what our nation was doing," she said.
 
 
Ms. Merz said she was struck by the personal tone of Mr. Obama's letter, which arrived before the official correspondence from Congress, and she wasn't sure whether they were his words or those of a staffer.
 
 
When told by The Times that Mr. Obama writes the letters himself, she said the words became more powerful.
 
 
" It says to me that he, too, will be paying attention to more than just the numbers, but the real stories," Ms. Merz said.
 
 
" One of the things I felt committed to even though I didn't agree with our military ventures was reading the names of the troops killed as they were listed," she said. " I just need to think about these people as individuals, and I hope that as a nation we are doing that and seeing them as real sons and daughters."
 
 
She added that Cpl. Brennan was " just beginning to grasp the real life of the Afghanis around him, feeling very committed to the human side of what was happening in Afghanistan and Iraq."
 
 
Their last conversation was on Inauguration Day, four days before Cpl. Brennan was killed by a roadside bomb. Both supported Mr. Obama's election, but they spoke that day about the Afghan people, she said.
 
 
Ms. Merz said she had been considering making the trip from New York to Washington for the inaugural festivities, but " I'm glad I didn't. I was home to get my son's call."
 
 
" I am so glad the president is trying to do the right thing personally in terms of families and the soldiers," she said.
 
" He has a monumental task in front of him."
 
 
As Mr. Obama adjusts to the traditions bestowed upon the president as commander in chief, the duty is far different from saluting the Marine standing next to his Marine One helicopter or getting used to people standing when he walks into the room.
 
 
The president said on NBC News that the letters serve as a reminder - " that you've got hundreds of thousands of people - around the world who are putting themselves in harm's way and you are the commander in chief."
 
 
The White House said copies of the letters are preserved for historical archives.
 
 
The aide described the letters as " very gracious " but would not share the text because of the sensitive and personal nature of their content. The letters mention that the president appreciates the service member's sacrifice.
 
 
While serving as a U.S. senator, Mr. Obama would send families of Illinois service members condolence letters and an American flag that had flown over the Capitol.
 
 
Some he would call personally.
 
 
Mr. Bush also sent personal letters to the families of every one of the more than 4,000 troops who have died in the two wars, he told The Times in an interview last year. He said he leaned on his wife, Laura, for support in the gut-wrenching task.
 
 
Mr. Bush also met privately with more than 500 families of troops killed in action and with more than 950 wounded veterans, said Carlton Carroll, a White House spokesman during the Bush administration.
 
 
" Everything you do matters," Mr. Obama told Fox News a few days after the NBC interview. " I'm now signing letters to the families of troops who have fallen in Iraq or Afghanistan.
 
 
" Every time you sign that, you are reminded that you have enormous responsibilities and so, that's why all of these debates - when I'm talking to Democrats or Republicans, one of the things I try to remind them and something I remind myself every single day is the only criteria for what I do should be - is it working for the American people?
 
 
" Because this job is too big, too important, to just want to occupy space," he said. " And if I've spent the next four years, every day, making decisions based on that single criteria, is this going to help the American people achieve their dreams and keep them safe, then I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, 'You know what, you did a good job.' "

...............................................
-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.  
 
 
-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.   
 
 
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.  
 
 
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.  
 
 
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.  
 
 
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.  
 
 
-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. 
 
 
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.  
 
 
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.  
 
 
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 

Read the rest of this entry ... (121 words left)

Crazy  facts you may have heard before, but they are worth a  chuckle: 
If  you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound  energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth  it. ......!!     ) 
 
If  you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to  create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more  like it!) 
   
The  human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt  blood 30 feet. 
 
A  pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I  want to be a pig.) 
 
A  cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.  (Creepy.) 
(I'm still not over  the pig.) 
 
Banging  your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at  home,maybe at  work) 
 
The  male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The  female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home.  What the...?!) 
 
The  flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of  a football field. 
(30  minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) 
 
The  catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.  (What could be so  tasty on the bottom of a pond?) 
   
Some  lions mate over 50 times a day.  (I still want to be  a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) 
   
Butterflies  taste with their feet.  (Something I always  wanted to know.) 
 
The  strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. Hmm  mmmm...... 
 
Right-handed  people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed  people.  (If you're  ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) 
 
Elephants  are the only animals that cannot jump.  (Okay, so that would  be a good thing) 
   
A  cat's urine glows under a black light.  (I  wonder who was paid to figure that out?) 
   
An  ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.  ( I know some people  like that.) 
 
Starfish  have no brains  (I know some people  like that too.) 
 
Polar  bears are left-handed. ( If they switch,  they'll live a lot longer) 
 
Humans  and dolphins are the only species that have sex for  pleasure.  (What about that  pig??) 
 
                                                                                          

Do you understand Women : Their "Whatever" "Anything" OR "You Decide"?
1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhoea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe' and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything...

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Read the rest of this entry ... (240 words left)

I  was walking down the street when I was accosted by a  particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who  asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. 

Read the rest of this entry ... (172 words left)

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells
the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of
a turkey on her right thigh just below her
bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy
Thanksgiving" under the turkey.

Read the rest of this entry ... (94 words left)

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + Sleep

Therefore

Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore

Human – enjoy = Donkey + work

In Other words,

Human that doesn't enjoy = Donkey that works.

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Men = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:

Men – earn money = Donkey

In other words,

Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Women = Donkey + spend

Women- spend = Donkey

In other words,

Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

To Conclude:

From equation 2 and 3

Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend

So

Men earn money not to let women became donkeys

And women spend not to let men become donkeys

So we have:

Men+ women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 & 2, we can conclude

Men + women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!!!!!!!!!!!!!