fleeting thoughts

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2009/5/13

Medical Howlers

@ 08:17 AM (6 months, 12 days ago)

1.                Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2.                On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

3.                The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed

4.                The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

5.                Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

6.                Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7.                The patient refused autopsy.

8.                The patient has no previous history of suicides.

9.                Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital

10.           Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

11.           Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12.           She is numb from her toes down.

13.           While in ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14.           The skin was moist and dry.

15.           Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16.           Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17.           She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

18.           I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

19.           The lab test indicated abnormal over function.

20.           The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

21.           Skin: somewhat pale but present.

22.            Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Wangui, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23.            Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


Comment(s) »

  1. Oh yeah ...that was good.....Oce worked with a doc who wrote same crazy stuff in his H/P's..like "Patients main problem is that the family tree has no branches......or...the byproduct of intense inbreeding......lol...riff

    Comment by riffran— 2009/05/13 @ 09:09 AM — (Reply)

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